Loneliness

I have always been thinking…
Why do I feel alone all the time?
Am I really destined to be this way?
Been surrounding by the loneliness itself had made me so distant even though I’m sitting closely next to someone…

It’s so cold… Even though I’m standing under the bright sun…

Someone told me before…
That no matter how bright the light radiated upon you, there will be the shadow that hiding somewhere behind your back…
Waiting to be seen by your eyes… consumed by your heart and drained to your soul like a sip of the sweetest red wine…
Then…
The darkness will come to you…
You will feel as if the world has turn its back on you…
Coldness, pain… I wonder what else exist beyond the loneliness…
This loneliness…

Tired by the high expectations of the people around me,
I gave up everything that I once loved doing it… and not long after,
I realized… that is the only thing I’ve been doing all my life…

Life was very interesting… I learned new things everyday…
I met new people that I called later as friends…
Experienced great things…
Everybody thought that I can be a great person…

But somehow…the pressure was too much… and all of a sudden…
Someone that I trusted so well…
Betrayed me…
At the very moment… I lost my direction…
I lost my sense of judgement…
I started to treat people that I once loved… as my enemies..
Running away from everything…
Was the only solution that I can think of during that time…
My worst nightmare had come into reality when everything that I worked on was crushed…
I was broken…
My heart that once filled with warmth and hope had turned into ice-cold…
Its colour…had darkened by hatred…
As I crawled into the very depth of sadness…
No one was there to offer me words of wisdom…
Just to make me myself again…
Everything that I believed in…
Had turned into something that I’m strongly against with…
Everything was a lie… But I believed in it… and now..
There is no place for me to go… I was abondoned…
Left alone… in the shadow…
…and now, you asked me… If there’s a hope?
I wonder… If God’s Light will shine upon me again…

… Erika Crosszeria