Been Wondering

As I look out to the horizon.... The sunset is indeed beautiful...

I could feel your presence as you're walking towards me at my back...

As you held me in your arms, you whispered the words that I have been desperately want to hear....

You pulled me in, but I pulled myself away... the breeze that came through that window brushed off your hair off your face.... You smiled.

"No! I'm not going to fall to that smile," So I said to myself.

I poured some coffee in my favourite cup... Unknowingly, a piece of your memo pad stuck on bottom side of it...

"I love you..." was written on it. I turned around to see and you were there... standing with your back at the balcony...

As I walked slowly towards you, you turned around with a red rose on your left hand.... Even the beautiful red rose can't be compared  to the way you looked....

I ran my hands on your hair... Puling myself to you like this...

I can see your eyes... I can tell what you feel... I pulled my face closer to yours...

.... and you ki...



"...lie... lie... Ellie..."  I feel like someone was pulling me from behind.

"ELLIE!!!! WAKE UP!!!!! YOU STILL HAVE TWO MORE SHEETS TO WORK ON!!!!"

Shi*!

This is all your fault! I told you not to go back home! You idiot!

Our Life Together

Sometimes, I couldn't remember well about my past.

Seems that I slowly forget all the things happened in the past.

And that, all thanks to you. It's a good thing, I guess.

... me too, there's nothing more I want than a life together with you....

I do have plans for us in the future...

Most importantly, a house. Well, an apartment for a start.

Travel overseas once in awhile, we'll go wherever you want to go...

Let's go to all the cities on your "100 cities to visit before I die"...

Will you, Danielle Ivory, do the honor, of becoming my roommate for life?

Your Sadness and Your Happiness

There's nothing more that I want out of this relationship other than to be able to be with you and live our life together.

I want to be there when you're smiling with happiness...
I want to be someone that can wipe away your tears...
I want to be that person...

... that when you're walking ahead of me, you'll turn around and held out your hand for me....

I want to be the one that you share everything with...
the one that you can depend on...
the one that you need....
the one that you trust...

I want to be that person in your life.

In the past, present and in the future....

"Don't say forever as you know it doesn't exist..."
.... you always said that...

But the truth is, you just don't want to admit it...
That our love will remain as it is... for eternity....

It's Hard... But We All Have To Keep Going

well, that's what I'm thinking right now. About the Culture assignment, I was so exhausted and all I'm hoping that the lecturer will have mercy...

huh. As if!

Things Just...

Today at the supposed-to-be the submission day for our Cultural subject, I just can't believe that after spending the whole night at the studio, the lecturers decided to change the requirements of the assignment.

Though I yearn for the freedom when it's official that we're finished with those assignments, but I guess that it's a good opportunity to improve the assignment some more. Plus, since the other team mates were lack of focus, I really hope we can put together something better this time.

Hmm~ This is weekend is just crazy. Due to the necessity of completing the aforementioned assignments, I ditched the programme that I should attend which is club training camp, but then suddenly big bro called me up and told me to come over his apartment.

In short, assignments vs. training camp vs. a weekend off at big bro's apartment plus I got to play with Hachi.

Huh. yeah. I guess I'll go with the last one.

Hope

Maybe, just maybe....

.... I can get used to this kind of atmosphere...

Unconsciously, I was trying to avoid people. That I don't know of. That actually care about me....

But when they opened up to me and said things that I can't seem to understand at first, now that I've realized how things were so different back then...

Thank you so much for everything you've done for me...

Now, it's the time for me to put smiles on your face.... and others.


I guess, there's still hope for me.

Getting Scolded

One lecturer scolded me this morning.

"It's one thing that you sent this assignment late and then you came to class unprepared for the pop presentation which I already asked you to be prepared since 3 weeks ago!!!"


"Yeah, I'm definitely being scolded" ....that's what I thought too...

Everything is so damn different compare to that place before....

Lecturer here is so damn scary I should say. I know I'm the one to blame for my mistake but he's just so scary!

probably he was disappoint in me. Probably he wondered what happened to this girl who used to participate in class discussion and always know what I'm talking about....

... hehe... I kinda in a slump, right?

Anyway... yeah. probably I deserved that scolding session...

It's Wrong

But everybody makes mistakes...

Be careful and don't do it again... 

You don't want to regret later on... 

That, I learned from the hard way though. 

It's Weird, right?

to think that I can handle this situation, is wrong of me in the first place.... 

I shouldn't do it, right?

but I was desperate and I don't know what to do... 

Will you do the same?

Sacrifice

What can I say.. there are things architecture students have to sacrifice...

Time is definitely a luxury...

So spend it well...

Am I a Cold Person?

Somehow I can just let the time slip without noticing I haven't called home for like forever!

I miss my parents but I can't seem to find some time and go back to spend some time with them.

It's a long and dark history

Probably take a day or two but I don't think I want to talk about it.

hence, I just hope you can accept me... the way I am.

I do want to share everything with you. But it's not easy for me to even talk about these things.

But one thing you should know that I don't know since when but I think at some point of our relationship, I opened up to you little by little....

So I just hope you can be patient as I promise you...

I'll always be here... and I won't betray you...

Been wondering...

Why did you left that place and come here?

It's not that I can ask this question face to face but it's kinda hard to find the right moment to ask you.

Somehow, I can see that you and your loneliness is just something that inseparable.

Even though I'm sitting in front of you. I can't feel your presence. As if you're part of a world that beyond my reach.

is it something that you don't wanna talk about?

it's complicated

It's really disturbing me these recent days..

I have this confusing feeling in my heart.

It seems that everything that I came to taken interest into are things that so... I don't know.. messed up things?

for an example, I was in the park last week. I saw an old guy selling balloons and there I thought, "ah, this can make anyone feel happy by having these... even an adult..."


... and then, a friend said right at that moment, that her friend said the same thing too.  ...and he is... you know...

Few days ago I was listening to my iPod on shuffle mode, and there's this one instrumental song and I realize it's so nice and I felt something in my heart right that moment... Then, I look at the title of the song,... it's 'Forbidden Act'... What the...


there are other things too... but when I come to think of it.. probably these are just coincidences.. scary ones too!

ugh! I hate myself.

I need a break!

well, just a day or two. Just wanna get away from all these assignments!

ゴメ！冗談ですよ．．．

The night is cold

As I looked outside the window, I can see the wind is shaking the trees and some of the leaves left the tree along with the wind. 

There I thought, if I could fly with the wind and go to your place and spend the night counting the stars with you. 

That's crazy, right?

It's been 2 weeks since the sakura are blooming in Japan right now. I bet it's really beautiful.... 

My Facebook friends are displaying their works especially those involving sakura trees... 

Ah! Can't wait to finish study and move there. 

おやすみなさい　お姫様．

It's Really Hard

I know. But we have to keep going.

though we can't see each other so often. We have to be strong and that's the only way we can keep going.

I'm stuck at Passive Design assignment so I'm borrowing some books from the library...

I guess it's true

Me too, unconsciously feeling rather tired of everything.

But I just can't help it.

Here we go!

In Words

Somehow I understand what you're going through.

I do sometimes feel like I don't have to strength to anything.

but you have to remember that since we both already worked so hard to get to this point, all we gotta do is to continue and do our best in everything we do!

Architecture, isn't easy. We both know that. Not all in our class is going to pursue architecture after part 1. We know that.

So right now, we have to work hard. For the sake of our life together in the future.

That's all what I'm thinking right now.

That's the one thing that keep me going.

...and so should you.

Rest for a bit

and think it over.

Deep down you don't want to give up.

It's been a year since we decided to venture this path together. and there's another 3 years.

I don't think it's too late to stop now and do something else. But I don't think that we can just let go everything that we've worked so far and let it go down the drain.

So think it over.

The Reality Is...

Everything is just all over the place. 

I tried to put aside all my emotions towards this matter but I just can't stop thinking about it... contemplating about things that can be done... 

I got hung over these two words... What if. 

What if I stop and just quit everything?

What if i continue and maybe make some people in my life happy?

What if I just run away and never come back?

What if I go to you and stay wherever we want?

But the reality is, I can't. I won't. I wouldn't. 

Though it is tempting me every second of the day.

I can't seem to find the way out of this. 

What's left is faith.... 

... I guess.

It's Hard

I know. But it is important for you to be strong.

Be faithful to your dreams and goals.

Let go of the past that has already gone.

...and face your responsibilities...

Don't let anyone or anything got into your way...

Believe that hard work will definitely be rewarded.


Believe.

It's Kind of Overwhelming

I have too many things to do and too little time in my hands right now.

I feel like just wanna run away from here!

Everyone around me just keep on smothering me.

Everything around me just keep on driving me crazy!

Please! Get me out of this misery!

All I Need

...is you.

Painful Truth

Living in lies or facing the painful truth?

... I don't know anymore.... 

Should I go on? ...or should I stop and wait?

..but for what? 

Is there someone who is waiting for me?

Along the way...

I realized that everything about me is also about you.

I never felt this way towards others.

Nor I ever felt this way towards anything.

But I wonder...

Will you accept just anything about me?

I Do Believe

Last night when you asked me whether is it a good thing for us to be like this, I hesitated and said things that I don't mean. I'm really sorry.

I do believe in you. Therefore, it's okay for us to be like this.

But you have to now that I'll always long for the day for us to be together again.

Love,

One Moment You Were There

...and the next, you're gone. Not one day goes by when I don't think about you... ... Every corner of this room filled with memories of me being with you... Sometimes I just want to throw away all the things that remind me of you. The books that you used to read for me... The cups that you used to drink coffee with... The sheets you used to laid on the bed... The clothes... Your clothes... Every time I looked at these things... Tears rolled down on my cheek... Without hesitation, I just get so emotional... I've been waiting for so long... Every day seems like a year passing by... Come back.

Loner

All people have their own way of thinking. That I'm totally aware of.

Some people stand by their faith and principles at all times while some people prefer to go with the majority... 

...and there are some people lead their lives with one sole purpose. 

And I... I have always been like this. 

Alone. I don't mind what others think of me. As long as I don't interfere with other people's lives, I'm fine with the way I am. 

I don't need others to take care of me.

I don't need others to go out of their ways because of me.

and to put it simply, 

I don't need others...

I'll Be Waiting

It feels like it was only yesterday she left me. Alone in this place. 

I never would have thought that she would do that to me. I always thought that she's going to stay with me. Forever. 

... How silly of me to think that she was going to stay. 

Yet here I am. Standing in front of the door. Waiting for her. As if she is going to come back. Maybe not for me but deep inside I know that is all I am hoping for. 

I turned my back and walked away from the door... Feeling the warmth of the sun... that always remind me of the warmth of your smile...

I could still smell your perfume as if you just walked past me. 

I could still hear you laughter as if you're just next door...

I could still hear the Spring sonata that you always played for me... 

But all I can do right now, is just close my eyes...

...Imagining that one day... 

... One day you will find your way back to me. 

I'll be waiting. 

Always.