Come On!!

People Change! But I do still wear them. Whenever I hang out with my lil' bro. You know him, right? He always want to wear similar clothes. Hence the hoodies and whatnot.

What? So yo don't like my new style now? You got complain, huh? Huh?

Minami got me stuffs? Aww~he's the best bro, ever!!

Wow. Aya? I bet she's pretty. Her brother is a looker. Tea? Ah, that's the best. It's been a while since I last had tea specially made by Tanaka. The taste of black tea last time still lingers in my mind even after this while.

Remember to pack everything! Especially your iPod!

I'm going to bed early as I'll be going out with mom tomorrow. Who knows what might she bought for papa this time.

P.S.: I can't wait to see you.

I Miss Those Days!

I was in my second semester in Architecture and I had my first Design Studio. So we both had to stay up all night and doing either studio works or just hanging out as if we have a care in the world.

Yeah. Remember we ordered Dominos like every week? Up to some point that the whole studio was reeks with pizza! LOL

She did? I didn't realise that she changed into AAD. I think I kind of remember she mentioned how hard it is being in LA. have to memorise all those trees name, talks about scientific names!

Me too. From the very bottom of my heart, I really am thankful for that night.

I wonder where all those white hoodies, baggy pants that you used to wear. You're so obsessed with white thingies!

I'll be flying in on 8th too. So I guess we meet at the airport? I haven't checked the schedule yet but whoever arrived first will have to wait for the other.

Tanaka's sister, Aya will be coming with me. She makes the best tea in the world. Well, second after her brother but you get the gist. Minami wanted to come a long but college is starting too. So... But he got you some stuffs from Harajuku. Hope you'll love them.

Okay. I'll see you. In my dream tonight.

You and Your Coffee

Yep, I remember the Starbucks Coffee VIA packets that you gave me. Saying that you don't drink 3-in-1 coffee mix. Totally made an impression on me who does that all the time.

If I were to think back how hard it is after leaving Kuantan. Leaving all those people that I care about. Thinking I might not gonna wear lab coats for the rest of my life. Thank God. Or all those G2000 working outfits won't be making much impression under those white lab coats. But I do miss it sometimes.

Life works on its own way. We may try to change our lives but sometimes, we just have to accept that we can't control certain things. People meet, say goodbye. Missing each other.

Again and again I have to thank for whatever reason that brought us together on that event o that night. It was nice remembering that you were there during those difficult times especially when I first learned how to draw. It was crazy, really!

Haha. I remember that sempai. If i'm not mistaken she changed to Applied Art Design Department right about the time when I first entered degree level.

Oh well. few more days left and I haven't pack a thing! Thank God it's not gonna be a long flight like yours. I'll be flying to KL on 8th of September. How about you?

It's really a brain teaser isn't it?

Thinking about the past, present and the future. All those "what ifs".

To think all the way back to why I even here with you is also rather an intriguing part of the big question.

As if it's planned. You changed your course of life. I changed my course of life.

And we meet at the very small coincidence and looking at us now, how big we both are in each other's lives..

Now that I remember. The night that I met you, during the faculty event, I was supposed to be somewhere else that night. I wasn't supposed to be in that particular the event but a friend didn't make it and I was the stand-in. If not, I'll be at my regular cafe and surf Internet, drinking coffee and probably met someone else.

You see how life is so full of wonderful things?

Huh. I guess I have to thank that sempai from Landscape Architecture.

I Think So Too...

But when I think about it again and again... We clicked in merely a week. It took only a week for us to change from being Facebook friends to hang-out-at-each-other-room-at-2-a.m..

So yes. Even though I might be crazy busy at that time, doing third year projects and whatnot, I still think we're gonna be exactly like today.

What might be changed? I don't know. Would I pull those I-am-your-sempai crap? Well, without pulling that, I still help you doing your models. You still come down to my studio before CRIT. So I think we would be just fine back then.

But what about now? I still think about the possibilities.

What would happened? Am I in UK already? Or maybe head to Japanese architectural firm?

I don't know about what the future would bring but I rather be with you. If I can change the past, alter the future, I would remain in the present with you.

Would You Have Met Me?

I believe you would. If you were to graduate in 2010, then I would be your junior. Sempai!! LOL

Aside of that, indeed you're one year older than me. But right now I'm your senior in this course. If we were to meet in the condition when you're my senior back then when we meet in 2010, do you think that our course of relationship would have changed? 

If we didn't spent all those nights in the studios back in your Bridging days, drawing, sketching, those crazy takeouts. Cause if you were my third year senior back then, I definitely won't get to spend not even an hour with you cause you would be either too busy with Design Studio 6 or Heritage Studies. Which is impossible. 

Yeah, we might had few conversations at KAEDFest 2010... I don't know. I might come to your studio and asked few questions especially on building constructions details and whatnot. Hmm...

What else? What do you think? 

That's from HIMYM!

Future Ellie. Haha like Future Marshall and Future Ted.

You're so right about that. I only celebrate Malaysia Day. I'm a Sabahan. Not that I don't love the other side of Malaysia, but there's nothing can beat home.

Ugh! One more week!!! I don't wanna go back to campus! Second semester in Architecture and I'm gonna have Design Studio this very semester and for the first time I feel like really wanna kill myself!

How is it that you managed all through the past 3 years? Not including those crazy prep classes at your dad's friend's firm?

I still have friends asking why did I changed into Architecture. I know, right? 2 years doing Foundation in Biological Science, and one year doing Biomedical Science. It feels like dream those days I spent in Kuantan. Really. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't go through life in Kuantan. Would I be here today? Would I meet her? I probably would just have brushes off our shoulders during those times she had to stay in Gombak Campus.

Would I meet you? Cause if I were to calculate, I would have graduate from Bachelor of Science in Architecture for about 2 years now. Probably considering to continue to Part 2 somewhere in UK.

Like you said, that's life, right?

I Think...

... When the time has come for you guys to meet each other, I guess I'll just let you react however you want to. Let's let Future Ellie decide that, yeah?

Ah, I love that movie too. How one woman can be someone's biggest part in his life. Through thick and thin, through all those crap that the guy did. I have mixed feelings for that movie. But deep down, that's life. 

Oh, hey! Happy Independence Day! Or.. You only celebrate Malaysia Day? LOL

Anyway, I'm starting to pack today. It's been really crazy this summer. I bought so many things, Well, Yukari bought so many things for me. Minami was out with his friends today and brought them back for a mini party at our living room right now. I KNOW. BOYS. 

Well, one more week, huh? 

You're Right

After few days, I don't feel angry or whatever. At least not anymore.

Oh, well. Maybe I should just forget all about him.

But I can't guarantee how will I react if one day we're gonna run into each other.

What should I say? What should I do? Who knows I might just walk away and pretend to ignore him. That's what I do last time I saw William at Chris' wedding. Wait, you were there.

One day. You remember that movie?

I love Anne Hathaway in this movie. 

There's only a week left before we head back to campus. I'm thinking of doing a 7-seasons of How I Met Your Mother Marathon. How about you? 

A Closure.

After 7 years, now you have a closure? I sure hope that is really what you want.

Ellie, for all I know, it's not easy to let go. Believe me, I really do know how hard it is.

But then, I want you to let him go with no regret and definitely with no rage in you. 

You might be pissed now but I hope when the time comes and you guys had the chance to meet each other, I hope you can face him with a peace of mind and act like a normal person. I'm not saying you're not normal.. You get what I'm trying to say, right?

Bottom line is, just let him go. Either you wanna keep or throw away all those memories you had while with him, those days when you walked together towards classes and whatnot.. 

Yeah, even I do remember those things that you told me.. 

I Know.

Frankly, I feel like wanna bang my head against the wall. It's so stupid, right?

I dropped him few messages in his Facebook, which he approved my friend request DEFINITELY by accident, but he never replied even though it's obvious that he opened his account once in a while. Then, when I tried to see if he has any other account, to my surprise, he DID opened a new account. 

I know I sounded like a stalker which is why I'm putting an end to all of this. 

So yeah, now that I'm pissed with his coward actions, I'm done. So done. 

Ugh. Thank God it's finally over. Now I have my closure. 

I Guess It's Not That Simple

After all, your haven't been dealing with the whole thing, right?

You stopped talking about it like more than a year. Honestly, I thought you moved on already.

Well, maybe you should start considering few things like why he isn't establishing any contact with you at all.

Maybe he is hurt. Maybe he is not thinking about it at all.

There are a lot of possibilities.

You're right. You can't lie about this, especially not to yourself. It's a good thing.

But what is important that you need to reconsider other things in your life as of right now.

Like you said, it's been 7 years.

It's been... 7 years?

I can't believe it. I tried denying it in my head.

But my heart tells me different thing.

I was driving around the small town nearby our village and it's right there. 

The bench. 

When I saw it, all the memories rushing into my head, I felt this heaviness inside my chest. 

My thoughts are all over the place, I can't think straight. 

I don't know what I'm thinking. The past, the present, the future.

The possible and the impossibe. 

When my head is clear again, I realized, deep within my heart, I still love him.

I know. It's been 7 years.

I know.

But I can't lie. Not to myself.

Of Fireworks and Family Dinner

It's been awhile!!! For me to watch fireworks in such a grand festival!

That was dad's surprise for all of us. Fireworks festival in Akita! Omagari National Fireworks competition is one of the special event. It was so awesome!!! 

Got to see lots of types of fireworks and I gotta admit, even I was surprise with myself! I never got so excited! LOL 

We stayed at a hotel nearby and dad ridiculously booked a big room that fits all of us in it. With futon, pajamas and whatnot. Feel so nostalgic as we used to that when I was small. Back at the time when I was the youngest. Haha Aki and Ichi were really obsessive of me. They won't even let close relatives holding me for a long time as they want to keep me close. 

Everybody was laughing so hard when Minami requested to have onabe. Who on earth does that! It's summer! But in the end we all agree. Talking about being the youngest. LOL

Sharing crazy stories from the trip with everyone, dad hardly stopped laughing in between stories. Especially when I told the story where the chains of Takuya's stupid jeans got stuck at the escalator and how he tripped in front of a girl. A pretty one at that. 

Overall, it was really nice. Again, it's really been awhile. It's some sort of 'warmth injection' that I haven't had for a very long time. Especially after the Hikari incident. 

How I wish you're here with me. 

I miss you. 

I'll write to you when we're back in Tokyo on Monday. 

Knew That Actually

Hey, it's nice to have a family like that, okay! Everyone's wants to have you as part of their lives. Be grateful and takes notes on the way. As you're gonna need it when you have your own family someday.

Well, good luck with the preps for the meeting. Bet Tanaka is gladly to help as always.

Double date? Sounds nice. Come on! Be nice and pick somewhere that fits both couples. Now it's their time. Sooner when it's yours, I'm gonna be looking forward to that. Tell me when you're done with the planning.

Oh, I wonder what's your dad's planning. It's August and I heard lots of interesting events during this time of the year. Hope you're gonna enjoy it!

Anyway, I'm going back to my hometown later this evening. Grandpa is nagging and I guess I have to go and see him ahead of everyone as big bro won't be here not till next week and lil' bro is having fun with other cousins, chasing girls and whatnot. It's summer. Duh.

Feel kinda nervous actually as I'm going back to that town after almost a year. I hope I won't have to see or hear things I don't want to.

Okay, that's all for now. Be safe and enjoy the weekend with your family.

Waiting For Me?

Yesterday was really exhausting!

Cause grandma really did it this time. She literally overwhelmed us with gifts and not to mention the stuffs that Takuya bought! Thank God Minami was there picking us up at the station cause I swore to God. 

Hmm. Someone's waiting for my return? 

Of course. Not just one. My mom. Dad. With stuffs I need to settle in the company before next board's meeting.

Those twins. They are planning to do some sort of double date next week. I have to take care of that.

Minami as well. Yesterday, he's threatening me with the possibility of him running away from the house. Yep. It's because of Yukari. He actually bailed on me while I was on my way to airport to pick up Yukari just now. Oh, I forgot to mention. Yukari decided to spend her remaining holiday with us before returning to New York by the end of next week. With Yukari around, you know how Minami has to attend to all her needs. Especially being her shopping bags' carrier.

Dad is planning to go to Akita tomorrow. Dragging everyone. Don't really know what for as he said it's a surprise. I'll be looking forward to that. I always love dad's surprises. 

Oh, Minami said thanks for the books you sent to him. Guess they won't be a waste now.

I'm actually still feeling tired from I don't know. Everything.

P.S.: Told you you'll love it. Me too. Can't wait to back.

Indeed It was awesome!

Met a classmate who's known for her obsession towards anime today. She gave me both the anime and the live version. Plus the complete soundtracks. 

Spent the whole day watching the anime. It's awesome! Johannes Brahm's Symphony No. 1 is one of my favourite symphony and it was featured! Can't wait to watch this together with you!

You're leaving already? What's the rush? Missing the summer in Tokyo? 

.... or someone's waiting for your return?

Two Things in One?

... Like Nodame Cantabile: The anime?

You'll love it. It's about crazy kids who're struggling in becoming great pianist and conductor. It has both classical music and it's an anime. It has live version as well. And of course, it's adapted from manga. 

This is gonna be fun. Let's work on a list. 

Anyway, me and Takuya are returning to Tokyo tomorrow morning. 

... Grandma didn't say much but I think she got attached to Takuya already. I could see it's a mutual feeling. 

I'm sure going to miss everything in this city. 

Changing Things.

Well, I guess that's a good start. It makes our relationship more dynamic.

... Okay. We're not talking about design, right? LOL

Of course. I think so too... and I do hope that what we have can go beyond that merely a statement of "we're best friends and we've known each other for about 3 years."

So... maybe we should discuss the things we like and we don't like. Other than what we're already know. Though there won't be that much but I think we can start from there.

As I love classical music and you love anime soundtracks... Maybe there are things that have those things in one? You get me? Two elements in single matter. Sort like that.

Commitment... huh

Frankly speaking, I never commit to anyone. Well, not before you.

Well, family is an exception of course. But I believe what we have so far is part of commitment as well. Don't you think?

... or there's more than that?

I do agree on your point of changing our methods of spending time together. Doing more things together, yeah. Why not?

Point of Distance

I think I agree with that statement. Well, partly.

But then, for the past more than 3 years, I feel there's no distance between us.

Physically, yes. But then, blame me for my personality, but whether I didn't see you for one week, or one day, I still feel the same.

I want to see your smile, I want to hear you sigh, I want to be in the same dimension as you.

I think in most relationship, what's important is to know the point of distance. Where are you in current state of the relationship, establishing trust on each other, having faith in our hearts...

Spending time with each other is indeed important. It's a way to strengthen our bond. A room to understand each other.

I think the same too. As long as we have each other, that's more than sufficient.

But I do want to spend more time with you. I think we can accomplish that by doing more things together. Can be a bit complicated at first but we can work things out.

Honestly, I rather just sit and talk in Starbucks rather than watching movies.

... And these things also are called as commitment.

Are you comfortable with that?

Distance

I always think that distance has got nothing to do with the feelings we have for each  other.

But then, all of sudden that idiot, Takuya mentioned something that I can't just brush off from my mind. It keeps on lingering in between the things I'm juggling in my head right now, so here goes.

Apparently, that self-acclaimed expert said that distance makes two people not only physically separated from each other, but eventually makes their hearts drifting away as well.

When he said that, I couldn't deny the fact that we're not together all the time makes me lonely sometimes (it's given as we both in architectural course) but aside from that, neither of us actually goes out of our way and make an effort to spend more time apart from those trips to art supplies shops and printing shops.

Is it really like that? I mean, for me as long as we have each other, I guess that's more than enough.

Tell me what do you think on this matter.

Shadow In My Heart

As the light shine upon you, the trails of your past will turned into shadows that'll follow behind your back.

No matter how long the time has passed by, nothing can change my feelings for you.
No matter how hard the path that we chose to walk on, I'll keep on moving.
No matter how lonely I get, I will always be waiting for you.

Till the day that we'll be together again,
Till that moment you're no longer a stranger,

I will be here. Waiting.

Back In Time

As I look at the sky tonight, I could see the moonlight has started to fade behind the clouds.

As the clouds thicken, it has started to rain.
I could hear the sound of the rainwater hitting against the window.
The memories that keep on raining my thoughts,
The cold raindrops that cool down the burning in my heart.

As the feelings get stronger, it gets heavier, overwhelmed with the nostalgia, merged in the longing.

Couldn't I travel back in time?

Back to that moment when you held out your hand for me,
Back to that moment when you turn around and smile for me,
Back to that moment when you look into my eyes and promise a lifetime with me?

As I walk on this path, I turn back to see what I have left behind, thinking if things would be different if you were to walk with me.

As the raindrops blurred the window, my mind is clouded with the thought of you.

As the tears welled up in my eyes, your face appeared in front of me.

Can we still go back in time?

I Wonder Whether It's Possible

For two people like us.

I wonder whether we can keep on being like this for the rest of our lives.

For all I know, I already decided that I'm going to spend the rest of whatever remains in my life with you.

That decision was made a long time ago.

But I still do wonder.

Whether we can stay being like this forever.

I know what you're going to say.

"Don't say forever cause it doesn't exist."

But do you know, I always believe in eternity.

Bodies may perish along with our worldly belongings.

But I believe our souls bound together.

Forever.

But then, I still do wonder...

That's What We Call As Moving On

Human being born into this world, growing up, finding each other's half, and eventually leaving this world behind.

That's what human do.

Moving on.

No matter how fast, or slow... We all are moving on with our lives.

So do we. No matter how hard our course is, we still get up in the morning, drink a cup of coffee, stare out of the window, thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, and wonder what will happen today.

In other words, we got passed yesterday, believing in our heart that tomorrow will definitely come and today, standing on our two feet, determined to carry on the things we hold in our hands.

Time will pass by without fail.

But that moment when I found you has been frozen and locked deep in my mind, heart and soul.

Home At Last!

It's been more than 6 months since the last time I was home! Though I can't believe it but it's true. I

 was picked up at the airport by both of my parents and my lil' bro.

As tradition, the first thing to do is to eat all sort of seafood. Hehe

Then we went to get some cake from Secret Recipe for dad's birthday. I know. We still do that sort of thing.

When I got home, it feels, well. What more can I say.

It's really been awhile since I last said "ただ今!!!"

But it's different now. Big bro is married now and of course there are some changes around the house.

Anyway, I'm hoping to enjoy my heart to the fullest for the next 4 weeks before returning back to campus on September 10th.

See you in my dream tonight.

Love,

Same Deeds Different Directions

For all I know, you're probably on your way home already.

Me as well. I've been dragged down literally by Takuya to buy all sort of things for grandma before coming to her house this morning. I already said that it's okay but he said since he's coming to her house for the first time, he definitely needs to bring her something.

We arrived in here in the evening by bullet train. Takuya was excited since it's been awhile for him as the last time he was on it was more than 10 years ago. I know. There's some part of him that still like a boy. Haha It's weird though, he doesn't really show that side of him while in front of other people

When we were among other friends, especially when we were at my dad's company, (oh, I forgot to tell you that he's been doing some attachment for almost 2 weeks now) he never show this side of him that you know. How crazy he can be when he's with me like I told you about. I know it's probably because he's being at work and stuffs but even during happy hours, when all the girls just being swept away by him, he doesn't give much attention. What's up with that?

Anyway, we were just finished having dinner with grandma. Again, as per usual, I'm blown away by the ever grand grandma's traditional Japanese cuisine. Well, I know she doesn't cook anymore but it's still her recipe.

Change to another dorm? Well... If we're talking about the one nearby the Architecture building, I guess I'll go with the one in front of Engineering faculty. The first one along the road.

That's Sweet of You

Really? Aww. Yeah. I probably do the same if I have grandmas. They love to spoil us in a way that sometimes our parents can't accept. Cause we're the grandchildren.

Well, have a lot of fun while you're there.

The exam just now was okay. Not much of hard questions.

... And I'll be flying home tomorrow.

So I guess I 'll see you after the break, huh?

.... Unless you wanna come over to my house.

Oh, ya. I'm thinking of changing my dormitories. I really can't take it anymore. Walking back to my dorm at 4 in the morning is just creepy. So I decided to move to somewhere closer to my faculty.

But I'm gonna let you decide which dorm.

Tell me when you're decided, 'kay!

Take care and say hi to Takuya for me.

So We're Going to Kyoto Instead

Since there's only one month left before my holidays is going to end, Grandma has asked me to go back to see her rather than going away for a trip with an old friend.

But the old friend has also being invited to come along with me.

... Takuya gladly accepted the offer, and hence we're going to Grandma's place probably next week as I still need to settle some stuffs in the office.

I'm still thinking of what I'm going to do there. Probably just going around the city and spending some time with Grandma.

Since Takuya is coming we're probably gonna go some festivals while we're there. He loves festival though I'm not really into these things. You know how I don't like the crowd, right?

Anyway, I'm wishing you good luck for tomorrow's battle. Hopefully you'll do well and bring back victory.

Until then. Take care.

What? Really?

So? Do you guys really are going to Seoul?

I want to come too! But I have exam in 2 days. Plus I already bought my flight tickets to KK.

Ugh. Well. Have fun then. Take a lot of pictures. Bring me some souvenirs too.

Hmm. T_T

Well, as for those bastards that talk behind your back, it's okay. Let those bastards be. Sorry for my language but I kinda experienced the same thing too in my dad's company.

True.

There's no more I can say. As I already promised myself and you for us to be together always and forever. As long as we still breathe the same air.

How are you?

I gotta say that working in my dad's company isn't something like I imagined before.

I kinda heard some staffs saying behind my back. That I'm just riding daddy's coattail. That I don't deserve to be here as much as Ichi and Aki.

But I'm still studying though. I gotta admit there's so much more to learn.

Well. I guess I'm gonna ignore them. That's part of being an adult.

I'll be going to see Takuya tomorrow. As we're planning on a short trip to Seoul.

Talk to you soon.

Night and Day

Black and white.
We always fight.

Push and pull.
I feel like a fool.

Hot and cold.
Things can get old.

Night and day.
On the street I stray.

But the very next day,
You swept me away.

Did He?

Well, I think so. Cause I didn't specifically told him not to enclose my name on it.

I guess I'm going to look forward for it.



I said it once, I said twice. I said it hundred of times.

I will not betray you. I'll protect you until the end. My purpose of living is to be with you.

Now and forever.

So It's Actually a Surprise?

Haha! I guess Tanaka wrote your name on the sender's name space without telling you!

Anyway, I still think it's so sweet of you for doing that for me!

I'll definitely gonna do return the favour! Wait for my version of care package!

For the time we had lost... I don't really feel like it... You'll always in my mind.

For the opportunity that we missed... No worries.. There's always next time.

For the moments that we didn't catch together... The moments are gone. But we could always go back to that lake where we met for the first time.

.... Love and friendship. Two things I could never live without.

... to me, you're representing those two things.

So, don't ever betray me. Stay beside me. Personally and virtually.



P.S.: I finished the 1000g Famous Amos cookies myself. Hehe

How Did You Know?

Did Minami tell you something? Or what?

True though. I didn't remember not until I checked my planner and I was already on the back of Aki's car, as he drove me and Miyuki to the park.

Then I managed to gather those things and asked Tanaka to get it to you by any mean. Actually, I was surprised when you told me it arrived yesterday. Thought it would be arriving today or tomorrow.

Honestly, I really feel bad cause the last time it was a very special day for me as you really put yourself out there and gave in a lot of effort for me.

But it just didn't cross my mind when I boarded the plane, that I'm gonna miss that special day that's meant especially for you.

For the time that we lost, for the opportunity that we missed, for the moments that we didn't catch together, I promise you. I'll make it up to you.

It's the Sweetest Thing!

... Someone ever done for me! A care package!!!

The moment it arrived, my mind was boggled with a possibility that something like scary clown might came out of it or something really smelly just being dumped there. I don't know! Cause pranking other student are stupidly popular right now.

But then, I feel like jumping when I saw your name on the sender's space.

Your Instax Mini photos are amazing! I noticed some changes in Minami too! Though its only been 6 months since we last met!

You know 1000g of Famous Amos cookies are a bit exaggerating, right? It's okay, I'll share them with others.

Love the bunny slippers. It's really getting cold sometimes at night.

Thanks so much for buying me the new iPhone earpods. Mine is torn out. Never knew you'd noticed that.

And those sketches. I love them so much! It was lovely in pictures but you used pencils. So kuch emotions in there. Are you sure? or do you want me to hold them for you until you got back in here?

Above all, thank you so much.

I wonder if this is because you're feeling guilty about spending the Girlfriend Day with Miyuki yesterday. It's okay. We still got next year ahead of us. And the next next year. And the next next next year. I can just go on but I really mean it.

Today really just... I feel like going crazy for a bit. Especially being yelled at after our instructor mistakenly thought I was the one who has been missing 3 lectures as it was actually another girl with the same first name but in different section. Stupid mistake. Literally.

Again, thanks so much.

Now, I really really miss you.

Being In Relationship

Honestly, I never been in one. Probably because I have no interest or maybe I'm just not ready.

But after spending the whole day with Miyuki, she might be slightly gave me a strong impression on that matter.

We did the basic drill. Sitting at the coffee place where I used to go with Hikari, then went for a walk at the park, got ourselves some icecream, then we went to a restaurant where she had made reservation just for the two of us.

But above all, what we did the most was just talking. About each other, about our families. She's actually a lawyer. She used to work with my brother especially when it comes to legal matters of our company but not anymore cause when Aki said he wanted to go out with her, she stopped representing our company and now working with different company.

She appeared to be really feminine. She's also polite and that's important to me. Well, to most of us, right? She doesn't like reading but she enjoyed documentaries. She loves ice skating. She thinks being with your partner on the top of Eiffle Tower in Paris is one of the most romantic thing in the world. She also like you, who enjoyed the long walk on the beach. She hates Hawaii and prefer Miami instead. She plays piano. That's a bonus. Well, for Aki, it is. She still want to work even after she got married.

Talking about her ideal wedding, that would be a traditional Japanese wedding. But she loves the idea to have some photography sessions where she's wearing white wedding dresses and to be displayed at the reception.

She wants 2 children. A girl and a boy and though my brother probably won't agree to this, she wants to live in her own place once she got married.

That's assuming they gonna get married.

She was wearing a couple ring. She told me my brother gave that to her on their 100th day anniversary.

Well, if you ask me, she's a great person with a great personality and not to mention, great sense of style. But it's been a day so I haven't decided yet. That's what I told Aki.

As for me, what's important is for her to be able to support my brother in his life. For my brother don't really have much friends to begin with. It's given as he's busy all the time. But he's been like that since forever. He used to stick with Ichi all the time but as they get older, and they're pursuing different field, went to different universities, they kinda grow apart in terms of life and relationship. But they still sleep in the same bed occasionally. That hasn't changed.

Anyway, I hope everything working great between them.

Alright. I think that's about it.

Oh, one more thing. Oh, well. Good night.

Incomplete

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I'd try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I'd try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

*****************************************************

So yeah. Backstreets Boys' song is something that reflect my feeling as for now. I'd like to dedicate this song for you.

I feel...

Really glad to hear that you had fun there. See? Told you!

Hmm. You never actually told me about him. For all I know, you have 3 brothers. Now I get to know about them a little.

Wow. Really? Never knew something like that. I bet it's because it's important for them as they want to be with girls that can fit in well with the family members and you're like the first wall for the girls to surpass before finally meeting your parents. That's rather nice actually.

So how was the outing with the future sister in-law? Is she nice or cool?

Well, I went out again today. To Starbucks. Just enjoying few cups of coffee and updating apps and softwares. Bought Milano pasta on the way home.

It's rather boring without you here. Well, those girls from the other night are great companies but it's just that it's not the same.

I feel incomplete without you.

It Is Holiday!

I gotta say, the trip was great! Fun at the same time! We had volleyball tournaments and me and Takuya came second. Of course, we lost to Yukari and Minami. I gotta say, Minami really have improved his sporting skills.

Other than relaxing at the hot spring, we went to the beach and yes. Like you said, we had watermelons. Lots of them!

When we arrived at Tokyo just now, Hideaki were waiting for me and Minami at the house. Finally we get to see him. I told you right? He had returned from his business trips before I went to Kyoto last week but I didn’t get to see him as he was busy with work.

Maybe you don’t now but me and Aki are not really that close compare to me and Ichi. I don’t know why but probably because me and Ichi have the same interest which is architecture and everything else that revolves around it.

But we both love classical music so I guess we have something in common. Remember the last time when you asked me about the black records that I have in the apartment? Even though I have the digital versions in my iPod? That is actually our hobby. Collecting records. We got it from mum. Mum loves classical music as well.

So Aki told me he’s seeing someone right now. But he’s not sure whether she’s the one or not. He wants me to come with him tomorrow to see this girl he talked about. Probably hang out or go shopping or something like that. To see whether she’s good to go or not. One thing you should know about my brothers, they all have this thing about me approving the girls they’re seeing. It so weird sometimes but that’s just how it is.

So yes, that’s my plan for tomorrow. To meet with a girl who had stole my second brother’s heart.

Aww, she likes it? That’s nice to hear. Really glad that you had fun, even I’m not there. See? I told you. You can have some fun with other friends as well. Gives you different experience.

Alright, I’m going to turn in. Talk to you tomorrow.

Of KLCC and Someone's Birthday

Though you probably relaxing with your friends while eating lots of watermelons right now, here I am hanging out at our favourite spot. KLCC.

Nothing much to do though. The presentation was fine. Not much of changes needed to be done.

Takuya? Yeah. You did mentioned him before. I think it was the time I asked you about the guy who bought you that UNIQLO sweatshirt, remember? It was funny to see you have a matching one with his.

Wait. Are you saying you finally looking at this guy as a GUY? Cause you said before that you only think of him as your junior and that’s about it.

This is huge! He must be really hot for you to check him out.

Anyway, someone’s sent you regards and thank us for the present that we got her for her birthday. She said it was lovely and suited her taste very well. I brought white chocolate macadamia from Secret Recipe and Kim brought some drinks. I don’t know how but Dee brought some fireworks. We had so much fun while playing water balloons fight. Really brought me back to high school.

All right, go and have fun some more. Send everyone my best regards, and be careful on your way back to Tokyo.

Much love,

Old Friend

Today there’s not much that I did other than meeting up with mum’s friends and catching up with some old friends from high my undergraduate days who happened to be in Tokyo during this of the year. Not surprising. It’s summer.

One of those old friends is Takuya. Mimura Takuya. I told you about him, right? My junior back in high school in New York. He flew in last week when I told him I was going to come back to Tokyo for holiday and I asked him to hang out at my house today.

It’s been more than a year too actually. Other than emails, I didn’t really contacted him the past year. He was busy as well. He just graduated from university and right now is planning to further his study in architecture as well. Of course, I suggested my university and he said he’s going to consider it.

You know what? He looked so different from the last time I met him. No more boy band looks on him, just real mature and stylish. No more hoodies and cargo pants, just casual looks but with a hint of fashion. I gotta say, he looks fine.

We talked for like hours, and then Minami came and we ordered pizza. Talked some more and then he left an hour ago. I also asked him to join us tomorrow to go to the hot spring with Yukari and Minami as well and he said yes.

This weekend is going to be fun. Hope it’ll be the same for you too.

Relieved Finally

Wow. Just wow. I had to read twice before I can digest the whole thing.

Really? Did it really happened like that? Or is this some kind of joke?

Poor that child. I hope his disease is at manageable stage.

Just like that and everything went back to normal.

This is truly a blessing. For Hikari and Takashi. You too.
Thank God.

Really? Yu really miss my pancakes that much? Liar. You always complained saying either it’s too sweet or it’s too fluffy.

Board meetings? Wow. Good luck with that. Don’t feel asleep though. Last time I did and I never hear the end of it from my dad.

Have fun with Yukari and Minami. Oh, say thanks to Minami for his gifts last time. That manga is truly an amazing collection. Tell him I’ll be sending him something later.

I’m so relief right now. I just feel so happy for you.

Though there’s a presentation tomorrow. Preliminary of our final design. Wish me luck!

Surprised.

We were fetched by Minami at the airport. After I went back to our house, he drove me and Hikari to the hotel where I had the meeting with Takashi.

Arrived at the hotel, I was surprised with two things.

Takashi brought the woman with him. And a child.

I didn’t know what was gonna happened at that moment but damn I was about to slap that man in his face but Hikari held my hand instead and gave me a nod.

She knows about the child as well.

All I know right now that the woman is actually Takashi’s junior back in senior high school. They were dating but Takashi’s family didn’t approve the girl because she came from a poor family. Which resulted Takashi was being sent to London to attend boarding school. Left behind, the woman, aged only 18 at that time, moved to Kobe.

But something happened, the child is sick. He was diagnosed with leukaemia about 3 months ago. If you’re curious, the child isn’t his though. But the father died of the same disease. So the woman, Yuriko, asked help from Takashi. Not only because he’s a doctor, but also money problems.

I know you’re probably wondering why Takashi don’t just come clean and tell Hikari about all this, right?

Well, I don’t really know actually. But from my observation, this could be like mine and Hikari’s situation. How we both jumped into conclusion sometimes, plus they are still young couples.

So, yeah. Everything is back to normal right now. The child is staying at Takashi’s family hospital. Hikari had already went back to their house.

... and here I am, still can’t believe this whole thing were settled merely in one day. I gotta say though. It all thanks to you. if you weren’t pushing me taking all these wise decisions, these things weren’t gonna happen.

Thus, we all move on finally. To next things in our life. Me and Hikari go back being friends, and she’s with her family right now.

You know what? Suddenly I miss your pancakes! Especially with the honey and strawberry jam together.

For the upcoming week, I’m going to attend the board meetings. For the first time. Well, officially. I always come to my dad’s office when I was small.

Yukari’s taking me and Minami for a little trip to hot springs this weekend.

I wish you were here. I really do.

We All Have That I Guess

Now you understand why I keep on insisting on hand washing my clothes (and yours sometimes) most of the times. Well, except of submission weeks.

I think the whiteness of the sheets and their smell after being washed and dried by the sun can make me... Happy. I think it’s the same or at least similar feelings.

.... No. This isn’t me saying I want to be a housewife.

Anyway, I’m glad to hear that. I hope things work out between her and her husband and of course, you and Hikari as well.

... If you had the chance to swing by the Nikon centre over there, grab me their latest issues, okay? The English version or else you gonna need to translate them for me.

Have a safe trip home.

Even for awhile

There is this place where used to go with grandpa when I was small. You see, my grandpa used to be a carpenter. That explains the other day when you asked about why my dad’s habit of cutting wood and sanded them with his own hands even though he’s the president of our company. He said, cutting wood and smelling the scent of the freshly cut woods fade his problems away. Well, at least away from his mind for awhile. Grandpa taught him that. The small workshop where my grandpa used to work in now sits on our property and some workers whose dads worked together with grandpa are still there. It’s more like a big family business.

When I went there today, I got to see the works of the carpenters. They’re so exquisite and elegant. The carvings are so detailed and smoothly done. Most of the carvings are being used in the shrines. While some are for decorations.

This whole thing, I don’t know why. It makes me feel like I can breath again inspite of everything that I'm going through right now. About me and Hikari, me coming back to Japan after so long and other things as well.

By the way, I’m going to Tokyo tomorrow. To meet up with Takashi. I want to know why he was seeing someone behind Hikari’s back. Who is that woman? But this time, it’s going to be different. I won’t be going alone. I’m going to bring Hikari with me. If it’s possible, I want to help them to go back together.

Grandma asked whether I’m coming back to Kyoto after this or not but dad said he needed me for the time being so I guess I’m gonna stay at home for upcoming weeks.

Pray that everything will be alright.

I'll Always Be

For all I know, it’s you that made me more sensitive about other people. Remember how we used to not to care about other people around us until we finally realised that it’s not healthy as we need other people in this field of architecture?

I think it’s safe to say that being in architecture has made both of us mature a little bit the past 2 years, huh?

I used to hang out with people that I think so shallow about them. And you used to think that hanging out with people with different personality is a waste of time. Remember that?

Now we both enjoy doing that as we need to learn about other people preferences and styles especially when it comes to designing something for someone.

So yes, it’s time for both of us to be an adult and take things more seriously.

I will always be here for you if you ever need anything, Erry.

I will be here. Waiting.

Always.

That's Unexpected.

I never thought that you could say something like that.

Which is true. In every word. I have realised  that the past had clouded my judgment.

You’re right about me who kept on dwelling with the past. I should stop right?

But will I be able to forget about the whole thing and move on?

I should probably talk to her. Maybe at some point, I will be able to understand this whole thing better and help her solving her problems.

Talking about being an adult. I guess it’s not that simple, huh?

True. But...

But I think it’s given for you to act like that. For that you don’t have to feel guilty about it. I’ll take it that’s how you supposed to to do if you’re really care for someone.

The line of whether we supposed to cross or not can be ambiguous sometimes. I do feel like that sometimes especially when it comes to you. That explains why I always let you to lead me on how to handle things between us. Whether or not you should be telling me on how to deal the things around me, most of the time, I’ll let you decide.

But then again, I think it’s wise to rethink this whole thing again. Or rather, see it in a whole different way.

Plus, it’s not the time to dwell in the past anymore. We’re human. We should move on. You always say that to me all the time.

I admit. Things are bit different when it comes to her. But then again, it was in the past.

Maybe you should focus on the matter at hand right now.

I know this may sound a bit harsh but look at the things closer than before.

She’s already married to Takashi. Isn’t it as her friend you should advise her to go back to her husband and solve the problems instead of running away from it? No matter what, they’re husband and wife. There’s not much we could do. Unlike before.

What’s best right now is for you to help her to return to her family.

Believe me and have faith in her. You know her the best. You should know what to do.

Honestly?

I don’t know.

Throughout the 3 years of our friendship, I can be overprotective sometimes. I could say that it’s all because of what happened in her life before we were in university. All I want was for her not to get hurt.

It sounded a bit selfish, right? But I learned my lesson which is why I never want you to feel pressured into anything. As much as I want you to be in my life, I don't want you to feel suffocated while me being me. Cause maybe that was the reason why Hikari reacted that way during that time. 

Maybe I was the reason why she said those things to me.

Maybe my personality had driven her to act that way.

For all I know, maybe I was the reason we had that fight.

That Is...

Wow. That's what happened?

I had no idea. All this time I thought you guys were fighting over that guy. Hehe I'm kidding.

I'm sorry I made you telling me all this. I'm sure there's more to it but it's okay.

Well, how are you holding up? With her around, I'm sure things a bit overwhelming. Thank God you guys are staying in your grandma's house. At least there's something that can I don't know. Get yourself occupied or something.

Now I get the picture.

But you know what, I still think you guys should get over that.

I know it's tough. But I'm just saying that probably by making up to each other while you guys can still see each other eye to eye, can at least lift the burden in your heart. Her as well.

From what I can see from my point of view, I really think she needed someone to at least lend her a shoulder, hold her hands and say everything is going to be alright. And that someone is you.

I know. Maybe it's too much too ask of you after what she had done. But trust me. Being selfish right now isn't going to help neither of you.

So, help her. With anything that troubles her right now. Even just listening to her problems.

You'll do that, right?

I Think It's Time

I think this called for an explanation. You know what, I’m gonna tell you what happened. Well, not in details but I hope you get the picture.

In the middle of 2010, I was in my 3rd year and same goes to Hikari. During that time, I was gonna go for 5 years programme but I was still not sure. Cause I’ve considering to go to another school cause one thing for sure during that time, I don’t want to practice architecture in Japan.

It was around June when Hikari told me about Takashi proposing to her and all her plans with Takashi, getting married and stuffs. Since Takashi was gonna graduate a year in advance compared to his friends, so he decided to propose to Hikari and they wanted to get married right after we graduate.

But then, at that time, I'd already known for quite some time about Takashi being engaged to Nanami, my classmate Satoshi’s younger sister. I didn’t said anything before that cause I thought Hikari and Takashi were just in senior-junior relationship and Hikari did told me how she admires him for being so great at his studying and eventually going to inherit his family hospital.

About that, I also found out that Satoshi’s family has arranged the engagements as the fathers were friends so it was decided for them to get married. Both for family and business purposes.

That’s when I confronted Takashi and he admitted he was wrong for not telling Hikari cause he wanted to call off the engagement. But then again, we both know it’s not that simple cause it’s not just about the him and Nanami. It’s about the family relations and businesses as well.

I was supporting Takashi with his decision but then few months after our meetings, I found out about the wedding preparation that Satoshi had to make for his sister.
So I inquired Hikari about it and at that time things started to get a bit intense. With the final projects and everything, I was really stressed at that time and next thing I knew, I was in this huge fight with her.

I left Japan right after graduation. Like you’ve already know, I was in London. Looking for an architecture school. Well, that’s just another reason. The main reason is because I wanted to get away from her. I didn’t contacted anyone apart from my family. Yukari was so surprised with what had happened between me and Hikari, she even flew from New York just to see me. But during that time, I was so devastated with everything that happened and refused to go back to Japan as she persuaded me.

At that moment, I swore that I would never care for someone like her. I was so hurt for what had she done. But of course, we both know I broke that promise.
Then around March last year, Minami came to visit me. Along with some informations. Turned out Nanami also dated someone else and she was the one who called off the engagement. With that, Hikari and Takashi got married and I’ve seen some photos from wedding. And a letter from Hikari.

All she said she was sorry and want me to return to Japan. But as you’re already know, I didn’t.

What More Can I Say

Of course it's gonna take some time before you guys can be like before.

It will be more and more complicated if you think it like that. So deal with it but by bit. I'm sure you can just slow things down and maybe just talk about little things. Which you're already done as you went around those places you used to go with her.

Of course you still being emotional even after a year. She was your best friend. For more than 3 years you guys were together.

I know how the whole "your guard is up" thing works. You basically still have the wall around her.

It's just that maybe you can lower the wall and let loose for a bit.

You know I love you no matter what, right?

Yes and No

True what you said. We won't talk unless we happened to be caught by the situation.

But then again, most of the things we talked about, has nothing to do with what had happened between us.

She decided to take a semester off. To clear her head, maybe. She haven't really spoken to Takashi either. It's been almost a month I think.

It's getting more and more complicated I think. The more we talked, the more my chest hurts. As if I wanted to cry. As if I went back to the moment when she told me she wanted to be with the guy who's actually engaged to someone else. And when I told her all about it, she said Takashi had already called off the engagement with that girl. The girl actually my classmate's sister. That I know that there's no way Takashi can called off the engagement easily just because he likes Hikari.

I don't know, Ellie. This thing happened over a year ago. But I still don't know why I'm still so emotional about this while thing. But apparently, neither of us is ready to go down and talk about it.

Today, she asked me to go to that shrine that I told you about. It's actually a very special place for both of us. But I don't want to ruin that. I just want to leave that place in "sweet memories" partition in my heart. Hence, I asked her to go around the city instead. Just enjoying the places that we went before.

Small art shops where I used to go to get my drawing supplies, the bridge I used to hang out after school the year I went to high school in Kyoto for merely one semester because I want to spend more time with grandpa. The year he left all of us.  Some other places that I used to go with her.

Except for that shrine. Not that one.

Anyway, that's all for tonight. Grandma's calling for late night drink.

See you in my dream tonight.

That Was Unexpected

But I guess it won't happen unless if it's like that, right?

So what now? What are you going to do after all that?

Did you guys finally made up? Or this doesn't change a thing?

Finally, We Did.

I decided to go for a walk around the house this morning. Grandma's house isn't as expanded as our house but the garden is definitely grander compared.

Then I went to this part of the garden where my grandpa built with his own hands, a mini pavilion. To go there I have to walk on the bridge, then there are stepping stones that looked like as if they're floating on the water and finally when I reached it, I could see more than half of the garden and a lake nearby.

There's a small table at one corner and within its drawers are my journals. I used to write in them when I was small. Every time I came to grandma's house, I'll write an entry. Some times more.

Another peaceful moment.

But after an hour sitting there, I realised I hadn't had breakfast. By the time I turned around to head back to the house, Hikari was standing there. With a tray of food.

She said my grandma wanted her to give this to me as she knew I would be here.

... But I think it's more like she was the one who knew I would be here.

So yes. Finally we had the talk.

Oh, Dear.

Well, what more can I say. Maybe it's a good thing. This is the opportunity that I was talking about.

Just talk to her. Maybe it will do both of you some goodness.

Here Again

As I walk on the stone path, the birds greeted me with their whistles.

The sound of the flowing water. Just soothe my soul.

Arrived at the tea house, I was served with green tea.

As I sat at the washitsu, listening to my surrounding, I feel at peace. After so many sleepless nights at the studio, those heavy workloads.

I'm at Shang Ri La. Well, technically it's a Japanese garden but yes. It's heaven on earth.

I sat there for like 6 hours. I think. Then at the evening, I get to see grandma who came from the local culture centre. She teaches young girls Ikebana. The art of arranging flower.

I talked with grandma of course while having the dinner. It's been awhile since I had the real traditional Japanese cuisine.

But then, all the joy and laughter ended when Yukari came with a big surprise. Both for me and grandma.

Yes. It's Hikari. To grandma she used to be her student. One of the best. So they kinda tight. Plus, she was always around. Well, during the time when we're together.

But there was nothing changed between her and grandma.

But not for me.

It's Been..

... Merely 2 days. I feel so empty.

Class was boring. Well, all we learned today was just practicing the AutoCAD shortcuts. Sigh.

It's nice hearing that. Family reunion. Nothing can bring more happiness than a happy family reunion. Send my regards to them.

You're going to Kyoto? I'm so envy of you. You have to bring me there when I finally going to Japan someday. I really want to feel the magical breeze that you told me about.

Hey, I found the note that you slipped into my sweater while we're at the airport. I gotta admit. Been thinking a lot about it.

Are you seriously going to do that? I thought you finally can go back being friends with her.

Especially after those days she stayed in your apartment.

Look, I really think you should take this opportunity to fix whatever that is broken. I think it's about time for you to do that. Like you said. It's been over a year.

I've got homework to do so I guess that's all from me. I'll post up some more later.

Take care.

All I Need

As I arrived at the house, there is nothing more pleasant than having your parents waiting for you. .

Hideichi arrived from Osaka just in time and Hideaki had flew in from New York this morning. As for Minami, he's enjoying his summer break right now.

We talked, exchanged stories while having family dinner after so long.

I admit. It's been more than a year too. The last time I was in Japan was before the thing that happened between me and Hikari. I left for London even without telling them and then next thing I know I was in KL. Looking for architecture school. Well, that was few months before I met you.

Okay... You can say it to my face. The decision to come home is a right one.

I guess I owe you one.

I'm going to Kyoto tomorrow. Visiting grandma. Finally, I can visit the shrine that I told you about before.

Alright. I guess that's all for tonight. There are a lots of other things I want to tell you about but it's been a long day.

May the wind bring my prayers along with it and whispers them to your ears.

I miss you, too. No doubt in that.

2 Bags of Tea

And I can't seem to be me.
All things turn blue.
I guess I really miss you.

Sleepless Night

7 cup of coffees. I have been thinking about you said last night.

Fine. This time I'm gonna go with what is wise. For me.

Therefore, I'm flying back to Japan tomorrow.

Come with me? To Japan?

Being Honest

Truth to be told, I really cherish you. I feel like I'm the luckiest person for having you in my life.
But I don't want you to feel like as if you have some sort if obligation towards me.
I do need your support in everything I do. But it doesn't mean that you should not care about other people in your life.
I feel like I'm taking you away from people that love you.
I don't want that. So yes. You're going back to Japan next week and go visit your parents. I bet your brothers want to see their only sister in the world too.
I already asked your lecturer on your behalf and he said it's okay for you to drop your subject since we're still in the first week.
I guess I'll be going to airport again. But this time I won't be returning back to campus with you.
Good night.

It's Not What It Looks Like

I know. I've been putting up the face that you want to see.

But trust me. Me and Hikari haven't really talked about what had happened about a year ago.

I did what you want me to do. Being a good friend. And I really did.

It's complicated. Yeah. I said it before. But it's not really that easy to bring up heavy stuff like that and just talk.

Me and Hikari are about the same person. And from what I can tell, she doesn't seem to admit that she's at fault for what she had done.

But what's done is done. And she's gone. She emailed me just now. Telling me that she has arrived in Kyoto. Staying in her old house. Her biological parents house. The Yamashita.

For all I know, I'm just relief. She's gone back and I'm back to normal. As in life with you. Just you. It's been crazy the past month.

I pick you up for dinner tomorrow.

See you.

I'm So Happy

Though I didn't really express how I feel while we're at the airport, I really do.

Seeing you and her just now made me realised something. That how lucky I am to be your friend. You literally took care of everything. Though Yukari was there the whole time, I know you've been taking care of her too.

I'm glad you and her managed to patch things up. I really do.

About that.

Honestly, I haven't really thought about that.

I don't know what my parents expect from me. I've been driven by my own decisions all my life. Plus I have 3 brothers. I'm sure my parents will be happy getting grandchildren from their wives.

Like I said before, I don't know what's gonna happen in the future but all I want is for us to stay together.

Me working towards to be an architect. You too.

There's not much left of things that I want in my life. I'm more than satisfied with all the things that I have.

I have you in my life. What else do I want some more?

It's Monday.

For the first time after a very long time, I don't have class on Monday.

Anyway, while walking back towards the hostel, I was thinking.

If we gonna be friends till the end of our lives, what about other people?

Our family for an example. Sure my parents would want me to settle down with someone. Some guy.

.... And your parents too. Of course they want you to be with someone they approve.

Our living together in the future. It's just temporary, right?

I love it!

I have to say. This one is very thoughtful of you.

Though the weather in Malaysia is hot all year around, but being in fully air-conditioned studio like 18 hours a day can be crazy sometimes. Safe choice of colour! Black has always been my favourite.

Anyway, Yukari had already bought their tickets to Tokyo. It's gonna be this Wednesday and I already told them that you'll be coming with me to the airport.

So I guess I'll see you then.

Lilly

It was beautiful. I always wanted it. I named it Lilly.
I think you know why.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Delivery Package

I’m gonna be in Cameron Highland for the weekend.

I’ll see you on Sunday.

P.S.: I got you something and it’ll arrive tomorrow’s morning. Hope you like it.

You and Me.

Well, what more can I say. If you say those words to me.

Me too, I’ll aways be here for you. I promise.

Where you’ll be, there’ll be me.

Again.

Of course, I could never tell what will happen in near future.

But I said it before, and I will say it again.

I promise you that I’ll always be here for you. I’ll follow you no matter where you want to go. I’ll wait for you no matter how long you want me to.

Anything, I’m willing to do anything if I have to.

To be or not to be. That’s not the question.

Once and forever. We’ll be together.

Faith

Sometimes, I wonder. We’ll we be able to live together like we always talked about?

I do. I really do want to do all the things we said we want to do together.

But what if? What if something happened and we won’t be able to?

The Wind Brought Someone

I’m glad you like it. Tanaka came with it yesterday, along with Yukari. She’s here at the apartment as well. They’re discussing about Hikari going back to Japan right now.

Apparently, Uncle Keichi and Aunt Misaki are visiting their relatives in Osaka and will be back in Tokyo next week.

Hence, I suggested to Yukari to prolong her stay in KL and maybe can go for short holiday in some islands or something. She seemed a bit stressed from work that’s why.

Hikari also can go with her.

Well, that aside. I decided to take Design 3D this semester. They’re gonna teach Rhino 3D so wish me luck.

... Of course you can come. I’d love that.

We’ll talk some more during lunch tomorrow.

Until, tomorrow.

My favourite!

I managed to register only one subject for this semester. Design 2D. Class will be only on Tuesday. Means I’m gonna be able to spend more time with you.

Thanks so much for helping me today.

By the way, I got it this evening. It was lovely. How did you get those Japanese white lilies, anyway? Definitely not from KL, right?

About her, I’m glad things got better between you two.

If so, can I come with you to the airport, too? I’m free the next weekend, anyway.

It might be true.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe for once I should stop being in the past and dwell with the present.

We had a talk last night. She’s gonna stay with me until next week.

She’s planning to go back to her family, the Takahashi. I also had contacted Keisuke and Yukari about her situation. They also agreed that it’s best for her to be in Japan for awhile until things get better.

Oh, I’m planning to come back to campus tomorrow. How about I’ll see you then?

A little advice

Oh, I think you told me about him before. But I can’t recall much though. What I remember he’s a doctor now, right? Specialising in brain or something.

As for me, I think it’s best for both of you just accompany each other for awhile. In my point of view, I think this is the time when she really need someone to lean on.

Erry, truth to be told, of course I’m gonna miss you for not being able to see you awhile.

But then again, I have to admit that Hikari was part of your life once and I can’t just ignore her existence and be selfish.

My advice is, be her friend. Help her. ... and perhaps when everything settled, you two can sit down and talk about things that happened. Maybe through that you both can finally be at peace and somehow move on with your lives.

Take care.

Just you.

So basically she got into a fight with that guy, Takashi. But it got so big she just ran away from their apartment.

I don’t really know what to do about this whole thing. But I guess, by just listening to her problem eased her feelings for a bit.

She told me everything. You’re right, a high place really make people lighthearted just about anything.

Thing is, I also haven’t decided whether to just ignore my feelings right now and be a good friend for a second or just ignore the whole thing and walk away.

Would it be wise for me to do that?

Your opinion is the only one matter to me.

As Always

I know how you could be a little impatient with sick people but then it's not an excuse for you to explode at times like this.

Did you really actually asked her what happened before she found you?

If I were in her shoes, I am definitely desperate enough to even find someone I hurt before and asked help from that person. 

Look, you know her pretty well, right? How about you take her to some place that make her feel open to almost anything to talk about. Maybe she might tell you something. 

Take her somewhere high cause I think I heard from somewhere that high place can make people a little but lighthearted and hopefully from there you can carved your way through all this mess and perhaps help her with her problem. 

I got things to settle tomorrow so I guess I have to turn early tonight. 

Take care. 

Though I can't believe it

... It happened.

I was supposed to go to your place this morning but she fell sick. Her temperature was about to reach 39 degrees but she refused to go to the clinic. Thank God cause I still got some paracetamols that you bought for me last time.

I could really see where is this thing going but I promised you I would do nothing of that sort.

... But...

Maybe...

... She needed some time off from whatever she's dealing with right now.

Doing those things to you maybe can help her getting some stuffs out of h head for a while. Even myself have moments like that. Remember I walked 10km around the campus just to take off that person off my head? It's probably the same as that. Or maybe close to what she's been doing to you. 

Don't worry. Take your time and find yourself again. As in who you are in her life as for right now. 

Considering things happened between you guys, I bet some stuffs changed and I think the time has already arrived to sort things out cause maybe things didn't go well before you didn't have the chance to do things right. 

I believe you can go through all these things and by the way, I miss you. 

I'll see you in my dream. 

These Days

It's been almost a week she's here with me in this apartment. I don't really know what to do. Whether asking her to go back to her house or just let her taking advantage of me.

Every morning she would come to my room with breakfast and we'll chat until around 11 in the morning and then she'll cook me lunch and then we're gonna do stuffs she wanted to do.

I know you might think that something is gonna change between us but don't worry as I won't betray you as I already promised you. You're the one for me. She's just someone from my past that I'll get past someday.

It's just that that someday might not come sooner. These things need some time and I hope you understand.

Take care of yourself.

I Know

I do know that this thing between you and her and what happened between you families was or maybe is complicated.

But believe me, I know you've changed compare to the past few years and you promised me that you won't do the same mistake again.

I believe in you and all I want you to know, to remember that I'll always support you so if merely being a company right now is the best you could do for her, so be it.

Be a good friend to her like you've been good to me.

Take care.

It's Complicated

Part of me would want to say that to you.

But part of me can assure you that I am still the person that you know.

Her presence here in this apartment for the past few days won't change anything.

She's just looking for company right now and that's all I can do rather than anything else.

Don't worry and take care.

I Really Do Wonder

After a year, you haven't contacted her and suddenly she appeared at your doorstep?

I wonder what's gotten her but I hope nothing serious.

Dear, no worry. I won't mad over something so trivial.

You two were friends. If you guys didn't end nicely I just hope you guys can patch things up and be friends again. There's no harm to that, right?

What happened is already in the past. It doesn't matter anymore. Well, I hope at least.

Spend some time with her and try to understand her for the time being.

Until tomorrow, take care.

The Past Has Already Gone

It was midnight.

I was sitting in the living room while waiting for your call. 

I jumped when I heard someone rung the doorbell. 

When I opened the door, she was standing there with a bouquet of flower. 

"Hi, Eri. It's been awhile." 

I didn't really know what to do. So I unconsciously invited her to come in. 

"What brings you here?" I asked. 

"I just want to see you. That's all" She said. 

"I don't know how you found me but let's just skipped that part. Why are you here?" 

"I really miss you, Eri. What else it could be?" 

"Stop calling me that. You don't deserve to call me that name anymore."

She looked away from me and I could see her eyes averted as she clenched her fist. 

I knew she's gonna find me someday. But I don't expect it's gonna be this soon. 

As you're already know, Hikari was my best friend. She undoubtedly the one that I used to call as my soulmate. For knowing about me so much and understanding me so deeply. Before you, she's the first person ever who succeed in penetrating my protective shield I had for so many years. 

But of course, the past has already gone. 

I forgive her a long time ago but I still can't erase what she did in the past. 

I just can't and probably won't. 

Nice Combo!

You were reading "New Moon" and you were  listening to "In the Eyes of a Loner" playlist!

You even have the gut to fall asleep on my bed?

You better treat me with ice cream later!

The Darkness...

I was walking on this endless desert. No one was around. 

More like, no one alive still was around. Only dead bodies with blood all over the place. 

Suddenly I saw a building. I went through its door and it was really dark inside. 

I was trying to search for a light source on me, but I find nothing. I kept walking, next to the wall until I found another door.

When I opened it the door, I could hear a sound of water dripping on something.

Out of the blue, the light was switched on. 

I saw you. On the table. You're weren't breathing. Your eyes were closed. 

Your long white dress was tainted with your blood on your chest. 

I fell on my knees. 

I thought I might die. Killed by the sight of your death. 

.... 

Suddenly, I heard "Prelude in E Minor, Opus 28, No. 4" played somewhere nearby. 

I opened my eyes. 

I saw the ceiling. It's a bit unfamiliar.

Then I realised. I slept in your bed while reading "New Moon". 

Just Bear With Me

... For awhile. Then you can have me all to yourself. During the short semester.

Starting on the design already?

Well, you could always go back to "101 Things I Learned in Architecture School", right?

I'll see you soon.

Things Just

... Don't wanna work out the way I want them to be.

I've been trying to work on the house design. On sketchbook, on butter papers, on vellums... 

... Even on your sketchbook...

But I can't seem to find some peace. 

When am I gonna see you again?

I've Been To That Too

At times like these, we both will fall into the abyss of hopelessness and feel as if the world is crumbling upon us.

Be strong. The papers will end in another few more days.

Whenever I feel so stressed and bogged down with so many things in my head or on my shoulders, I will close my eyes and say these things to myself.

"Dear God, give me strength to go through this whole madness and whatnot."
...and then I'll imagine you're standing beside me, whispering these words to my ear. 

"For yourself, for me and for our future. Together."

... And I'll come down from wherever I went and be myself again. 

Well, one thing to add though. While whispering those words, I'll also get myself a Starbuck's Vanilla Frappucino and few shots of espresso. Now that'll definitely works. 

Honestly

Sometimes I feel I've the world is crumbling upon me.

I felt so low and there's nothing I can do about it.

So whenever I come into that situation, there's only one thing I could think of.

Well, one person.

It's you.

Back to That?

Of course I know what it means. It means a lot to me too.

Whenever I listen to it I feel like I'm out of the zone and entering the space where it's just you and me.

And no one else standing between us.

As if the world belongs only to both of us. Where the time stopped and we could just be together and nothing can interrupt us while we're in that zone.

Not even our assignments.

Listening to that song makes me feel like you're here with me, even though you're so far away... Or just 3 studios away. 

I long to be with you. I do. 

Days Without You

Listening to "Kaeranu Hibi Shiroki Ashita" by Kaida Shogo.

You know what this means, right?

It's Only Been... 3 Days?

...and I feel like dying. Wait let me rephrase that.

... I feel like wanna kill myself. Wait! That's too much. Okay.

... I feel so helpless. Inexperienced. Super exhausted and whatnot.

So I pray to God everyday to give me strength to got through all this.

... I'm sorry I can't go with you though I already promised you. I know we've been planning since the first semester but..

I really hope you understand. Again, I'm sorry.