I Think...

... When the time has come for you guys to meet each other, I guess I'll just let you react however you want to. Let's let Future Ellie decide that, yeah?

Ah, I love that movie too. How one woman can be someone's biggest part in his life. Through thick and thin, through all those crap that the guy did. I have mixed feelings for that movie. But deep down, that's life. 

Oh, hey! Happy Independence Day! Or.. You only celebrate Malaysia Day? LOL

Anyway, I'm starting to pack today. It's been really crazy this summer. I bought so many things, Well, Yukari bought so many things for me. Minami was out with his friends today and brought them back for a mini party at our living room right now. I KNOW. BOYS. 

Well, one more week, huh? 

You're Right

After few days, I don't feel angry or whatever. At least not anymore.

Oh, well. Maybe I should just forget all about him.

But I can't guarantee how will I react if one day we're gonna run into each other.

What should I say? What should I do? Who knows I might just walk away and pretend to ignore him. That's what I do last time I saw William at Chris' wedding. Wait, you were there.

One day. You remember that movie?

I love Anne Hathaway in this movie. 

There's only a week left before we head back to campus. I'm thinking of doing a 7-seasons of How I Met Your Mother Marathon. How about you? 

A Closure.

After 7 years, now you have a closure? I sure hope that is really what you want.

Ellie, for all I know, it's not easy to let go. Believe me, I really do know how hard it is.

But then, I want you to let him go with no regret and definitely with no rage in you. 

You might be pissed now but I hope when the time comes and you guys had the chance to meet each other, I hope you can face him with a peace of mind and act like a normal person. I'm not saying you're not normal.. You get what I'm trying to say, right?

Bottom line is, just let him go. Either you wanna keep or throw away all those memories you had while with him, those days when you walked together towards classes and whatnot.. 

Yeah, even I do remember those things that you told me.. 

I Know.

Frankly, I feel like wanna bang my head against the wall. It's so stupid, right?

I dropped him few messages in his Facebook, which he approved my friend request DEFINITELY by accident, but he never replied even though it's obvious that he opened his account once in a while. Then, when I tried to see if he has any other account, to my surprise, he DID opened a new account. 

I know I sounded like a stalker which is why I'm putting an end to all of this. 

So yeah, now that I'm pissed with his coward actions, I'm done. So done. 

Ugh. Thank God it's finally over. Now I have my closure. 

I Guess It's Not That Simple

After all, your haven't been dealing with the whole thing, right?

You stopped talking about it like more than a year. Honestly, I thought you moved on already.

Well, maybe you should start considering few things like why he isn't establishing any contact with you at all.

Maybe he is hurt. Maybe he is not thinking about it at all.

There are a lot of possibilities.

You're right. You can't lie about this, especially not to yourself. It's a good thing.

But what is important that you need to reconsider other things in your life as of right now.

Like you said, it's been 7 years.

It's been... 7 years?

I can't believe it. I tried denying it in my head.

But my heart tells me different thing.

I was driving around the small town nearby our village and it's right there. 

The bench. 

When I saw it, all the memories rushing into my head, I felt this heaviness inside my chest. 

My thoughts are all over the place, I can't think straight. 

I don't know what I'm thinking. The past, the present, the future.

The possible and the impossibe. 

When my head is clear again, I realized, deep within my heart, I still love him.

I know. It's been 7 years.

I know.

But I can't lie. Not to myself.

Of Fireworks and Family Dinner

It's been awhile!!! For me to watch fireworks in such a grand festival!

That was dad's surprise for all of us. Fireworks festival in Akita! Omagari National Fireworks competition is one of the special event. It was so awesome!!! 

Got to see lots of types of fireworks and I gotta admit, even I was surprise with myself! I never got so excited! LOL 

We stayed at a hotel nearby and dad ridiculously booked a big room that fits all of us in it. With futon, pajamas and whatnot. Feel so nostalgic as we used to that when I was small. Back at the time when I was the youngest. Haha Aki and Ichi were really obsessive of me. They won't even let close relatives holding me for a long time as they want to keep me close. 

Everybody was laughing so hard when Minami requested to have onabe. Who on earth does that! It's summer! But in the end we all agree. Talking about being the youngest. LOL

Sharing crazy stories from the trip with everyone, dad hardly stopped laughing in between stories. Especially when I told the story where the chains of Takuya's stupid jeans got stuck at the escalator and how he tripped in front of a girl. A pretty one at that. 

Overall, it was really nice. Again, it's really been awhile. It's some sort of 'warmth injection' that I haven't had for a very long time. Especially after the Hikari incident. 

How I wish you're here with me. 

I miss you. 

I'll write to you when we're back in Tokyo on Monday. 

Knew That Actually

Hey, it's nice to have a family like that, okay! Everyone's wants to have you as part of their lives. Be grateful and takes notes on the way. As you're gonna need it when you have your own family someday.

Well, good luck with the preps for the meeting. Bet Tanaka is gladly to help as always.

Double date? Sounds nice. Come on! Be nice and pick somewhere that fits both couples. Now it's their time. Sooner when it's yours, I'm gonna be looking forward to that. Tell me when you're done with the planning.

Oh, I wonder what's your dad's planning. It's August and I heard lots of interesting events during this time of the year. Hope you're gonna enjoy it!

Anyway, I'm going back to my hometown later this evening. Grandpa is nagging and I guess I have to go and see him ahead of everyone as big bro won't be here not till next week and lil' bro is having fun with other cousins, chasing girls and whatnot. It's summer. Duh.

Feel kinda nervous actually as I'm going back to that town after almost a year. I hope I won't have to see or hear things I don't want to.

Okay, that's all for now. Be safe and enjoy the weekend with your family.

Waiting For Me?

Yesterday was really exhausting!

Cause grandma really did it this time. She literally overwhelmed us with gifts and not to mention the stuffs that Takuya bought! Thank God Minami was there picking us up at the station cause I swore to God. 

Hmm. Someone's waiting for my return? 

Of course. Not just one. My mom. Dad. With stuffs I need to settle in the company before next board's meeting.

Those twins. They are planning to do some sort of double date next week. I have to take care of that.

Minami as well. Yesterday, he's threatening me with the possibility of him running away from the house. Yep. It's because of Yukari. He actually bailed on me while I was on my way to airport to pick up Yukari just now. Oh, I forgot to mention. Yukari decided to spend her remaining holiday with us before returning to New York by the end of next week. With Yukari around, you know how Minami has to attend to all her needs. Especially being her shopping bags' carrier.

Dad is planning to go to Akita tomorrow. Dragging everyone. Don't really know what for as he said it's a surprise. I'll be looking forward to that. I always love dad's surprises. 

Oh, Minami said thanks for the books you sent to him. Guess they won't be a waste now.

I'm actually still feeling tired from I don't know. Everything.

P.S.: Told you you'll love it. Me too. Can't wait to back.

Indeed It was awesome!

Met a classmate who's known for her obsession towards anime today. She gave me both the anime and the live version. Plus the complete soundtracks. 

Spent the whole day watching the anime. It's awesome! Johannes Brahm's Symphony No. 1 is one of my favourite symphony and it was featured! Can't wait to watch this together with you!

You're leaving already? What's the rush? Missing the summer in Tokyo? 

.... or someone's waiting for your return?

Two Things in One?

... Like Nodame Cantabile: The anime?

You'll love it. It's about crazy kids who're struggling in becoming great pianist and conductor. It has both classical music and it's an anime. It has live version as well. And of course, it's adapted from manga. 

This is gonna be fun. Let's work on a list. 

Anyway, me and Takuya are returning to Tokyo tomorrow morning. 

... Grandma didn't say much but I think she got attached to Takuya already. I could see it's a mutual feeling. 

I'm sure going to miss everything in this city. 

Changing Things.

Well, I guess that's a good start. It makes our relationship more dynamic.

... Okay. We're not talking about design, right? LOL

Of course. I think so too... and I do hope that what we have can go beyond that merely a statement of "we're best friends and we've known each other for about 3 years."

So... maybe we should discuss the things we like and we don't like. Other than what we're already know. Though there won't be that much but I think we can start from there.

As I love classical music and you love anime soundtracks... Maybe there are things that have those things in one? You get me? Two elements in single matter. Sort like that.

Commitment... huh

Frankly speaking, I never commit to anyone. Well, not before you.

Well, family is an exception of course. But I believe what we have so far is part of commitment as well. Don't you think?

... or there's more than that?

I do agree on your point of changing our methods of spending time together. Doing more things together, yeah. Why not?

Point of Distance

I think I agree with that statement. Well, partly.

But then, for the past more than 3 years, I feel there's no distance between us.

Physically, yes. But then, blame me for my personality, but whether I didn't see you for one week, or one day, I still feel the same.

I want to see your smile, I want to hear you sigh, I want to be in the same dimension as you.

I think in most relationship, what's important is to know the point of distance. Where are you in current state of the relationship, establishing trust on each other, having faith in our hearts...

Spending time with each other is indeed important. It's a way to strengthen our bond. A room to understand each other.

I think the same too. As long as we have each other, that's more than sufficient.

But I do want to spend more time with you. I think we can accomplish that by doing more things together. Can be a bit complicated at first but we can work things out.

Honestly, I rather just sit and talk in Starbucks rather than watching movies.

... And these things also are called as commitment.

Are you comfortable with that?

Distance

I always think that distance has got nothing to do with the feelings we have for each  other.

But then, all of sudden that idiot, Takuya mentioned something that I can't just brush off from my mind. It keeps on lingering in between the things I'm juggling in my head right now, so here goes.

Apparently, that self-acclaimed expert said that distance makes two people not only physically separated from each other, but eventually makes their hearts drifting away as well.

When he said that, I couldn't deny the fact that we're not together all the time makes me lonely sometimes (it's given as we both in architectural course) but aside from that, neither of us actually goes out of our way and make an effort to spend more time apart from those trips to art supplies shops and printing shops.

Is it really like that? I mean, for me as long as we have each other, I guess that's more than enough.

Tell me what do you think on this matter.

Shadow In My Heart

As the light shine upon you, the trails of your past will turned into shadows that'll follow behind your back.

No matter how long the time has passed by, nothing can change my feelings for you.
No matter how hard the path that we chose to walk on, I'll keep on moving.
No matter how lonely I get, I will always be waiting for you.

Till the day that we'll be together again,
Till that moment you're no longer a stranger,

I will be here. Waiting.

Back In Time

As I look at the sky tonight, I could see the moonlight has started to fade behind the clouds.

As the clouds thicken, it has started to rain.
I could hear the sound of the rainwater hitting against the window.
The memories that keep on raining my thoughts,
The cold raindrops that cool down the burning in my heart.

As the feelings get stronger, it gets heavier, overwhelmed with the nostalgia, merged in the longing.

Couldn't I travel back in time?

Back to that moment when you held out your hand for me,
Back to that moment when you turn around and smile for me,
Back to that moment when you look into my eyes and promise a lifetime with me?

As I walk on this path, I turn back to see what I have left behind, thinking if things would be different if you were to walk with me.

As the raindrops blurred the window, my mind is clouded with the thought of you.

As the tears welled up in my eyes, your face appeared in front of me.

Can we still go back in time?

I Wonder Whether It's Possible

For two people like us.

I wonder whether we can keep on being like this for the rest of our lives.

For all I know, I already decided that I'm going to spend the rest of whatever remains in my life with you.

That decision was made a long time ago.

But I still do wonder.

Whether we can stay being like this forever.

I know what you're going to say.

"Don't say forever cause it doesn't exist."

But do you know, I always believe in eternity.

Bodies may perish along with our worldly belongings.

But I believe our souls bound together.

Forever.

But then, I still do wonder...

That's What We Call As Moving On

Human being born into this world, growing up, finding each other's half, and eventually leaving this world behind.

That's what human do.

Moving on.

No matter how fast, or slow... We all are moving on with our lives.

So do we. No matter how hard our course is, we still get up in the morning, drink a cup of coffee, stare out of the window, thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, and wonder what will happen today.

In other words, we got passed yesterday, believing in our heart that tomorrow will definitely come and today, standing on our two feet, determined to carry on the things we hold in our hands.

Time will pass by without fail.

But that moment when I found you has been frozen and locked deep in my mind, heart and soul.

Home At Last!

It's been more than 6 months since the last time I was home! Though I can't believe it but it's true. I

 was picked up at the airport by both of my parents and my lil' bro.

As tradition, the first thing to do is to eat all sort of seafood. Hehe

Then we went to get some cake from Secret Recipe for dad's birthday. I know. We still do that sort of thing.

When I got home, it feels, well. What more can I say.

It's really been awhile since I last said "ただ今!!!"

But it's different now. Big bro is married now and of course there are some changes around the house.

Anyway, I'm hoping to enjoy my heart to the fullest for the next 4 weeks before returning back to campus on September 10th.

See you in my dream tonight.

Love,

Same Deeds Different Directions

For all I know, you're probably on your way home already.

Me as well. I've been dragged down literally by Takuya to buy all sort of things for grandma before coming to her house this morning. I already said that it's okay but he said since he's coming to her house for the first time, he definitely needs to bring her something.

We arrived in here in the evening by bullet train. Takuya was excited since it's been awhile for him as the last time he was on it was more than 10 years ago. I know. There's some part of him that still like a boy. Haha It's weird though, he doesn't really show that side of him while in front of other people

When we were among other friends, especially when we were at my dad's company, (oh, I forgot to tell you that he's been doing some attachment for almost 2 weeks now) he never show this side of him that you know. How crazy he can be when he's with me like I told you about. I know it's probably because he's being at work and stuffs but even during happy hours, when all the girls just being swept away by him, he doesn't give much attention. What's up with that?

Anyway, we were just finished having dinner with grandma. Again, as per usual, I'm blown away by the ever grand grandma's traditional Japanese cuisine. Well, I know she doesn't cook anymore but it's still her recipe.

Change to another dorm? Well... If we're talking about the one nearby the Architecture building, I guess I'll go with the one in front of Engineering faculty. The first one along the road.

That's Sweet of You

Really? Aww. Yeah. I probably do the same if I have grandmas. They love to spoil us in a way that sometimes our parents can't accept. Cause we're the grandchildren.

Well, have a lot of fun while you're there.

The exam just now was okay. Not much of hard questions.

... And I'll be flying home tomorrow.

So I guess I 'll see you after the break, huh?

.... Unless you wanna come over to my house.

Oh, ya. I'm thinking of changing my dormitories. I really can't take it anymore. Walking back to my dorm at 4 in the morning is just creepy. So I decided to move to somewhere closer to my faculty.

But I'm gonna let you decide which dorm.

Tell me when you're decided, 'kay!

Take care and say hi to Takuya for me.

So We're Going to Kyoto Instead

Since there's only one month left before my holidays is going to end, Grandma has asked me to go back to see her rather than going away for a trip with an old friend.

But the old friend has also being invited to come along with me.

... Takuya gladly accepted the offer, and hence we're going to Grandma's place probably next week as I still need to settle some stuffs in the office.

I'm still thinking of what I'm going to do there. Probably just going around the city and spending some time with Grandma.

Since Takuya is coming we're probably gonna go some festivals while we're there. He loves festival though I'm not really into these things. You know how I don't like the crowd, right?

Anyway, I'm wishing you good luck for tomorrow's battle. Hopefully you'll do well and bring back victory.

Until then. Take care.

What? Really?

So? Do you guys really are going to Seoul?

I want to come too! But I have exam in 2 days. Plus I already bought my flight tickets to KK.

Ugh. Well. Have fun then. Take a lot of pictures. Bring me some souvenirs too.

Hmm. T_T

Well, as for those bastards that talk behind your back, it's okay. Let those bastards be. Sorry for my language but I kinda experienced the same thing too in my dad's company.

True.

There's no more I can say. As I already promised myself and you for us to be together always and forever. As long as we still breathe the same air.

How are you?

I gotta say that working in my dad's company isn't something like I imagined before.

I kinda heard some staffs saying behind my back. That I'm just riding daddy's coattail. That I don't deserve to be here as much as Ichi and Aki.

But I'm still studying though. I gotta admit there's so much more to learn.

Well. I guess I'm gonna ignore them. That's part of being an adult.

I'll be going to see Takuya tomorrow. As we're planning on a short trip to Seoul.

Talk to you soon.

Night and Day

Black and white.
We always fight.

Push and pull.
I feel like a fool.

Hot and cold.
Things can get old.

Night and day.
On the street I stray.

But the very next day,
You swept me away.

Did He?

Well, I think so. Cause I didn't specifically told him not to enclose my name on it.

I guess I'm going to look forward for it.



I said it once, I said twice. I said it hundred of times.

I will not betray you. I'll protect you until the end. My purpose of living is to be with you.

Now and forever.

So It's Actually a Surprise?

Haha! I guess Tanaka wrote your name on the sender's name space without telling you!

Anyway, I still think it's so sweet of you for doing that for me!

I'll definitely gonna do return the favour! Wait for my version of care package!

For the time we had lost... I don't really feel like it... You'll always in my mind.

For the opportunity that we missed... No worries.. There's always next time.

For the moments that we didn't catch together... The moments are gone. But we could always go back to that lake where we met for the first time.

.... Love and friendship. Two things I could never live without.

... to me, you're representing those two things.

So, don't ever betray me. Stay beside me. Personally and virtually.



P.S.: I finished the 1000g Famous Amos cookies myself. Hehe

How Did You Know?

Did Minami tell you something? Or what?

True though. I didn't remember not until I checked my planner and I was already on the back of Aki's car, as he drove me and Miyuki to the park.

Then I managed to gather those things and asked Tanaka to get it to you by any mean. Actually, I was surprised when you told me it arrived yesterday. Thought it would be arriving today or tomorrow.

Honestly, I really feel bad cause the last time it was a very special day for me as you really put yourself out there and gave in a lot of effort for me.

But it just didn't cross my mind when I boarded the plane, that I'm gonna miss that special day that's meant especially for you.

For the time that we lost, for the opportunity that we missed, for the moments that we didn't catch together, I promise you. I'll make it up to you.

It's the Sweetest Thing!

... Someone ever done for me! A care package!!!

The moment it arrived, my mind was boggled with a possibility that something like scary clown might came out of it or something really smelly just being dumped there. I don't know! Cause pranking other student are stupidly popular right now.

But then, I feel like jumping when I saw your name on the sender's space.

Your Instax Mini photos are amazing! I noticed some changes in Minami too! Though its only been 6 months since we last met!

You know 1000g of Famous Amos cookies are a bit exaggerating, right? It's okay, I'll share them with others.

Love the bunny slippers. It's really getting cold sometimes at night.

Thanks so much for buying me the new iPhone earpods. Mine is torn out. Never knew you'd noticed that.

And those sketches. I love them so much! It was lovely in pictures but you used pencils. So kuch emotions in there. Are you sure? or do you want me to hold them for you until you got back in here?

Above all, thank you so much.

I wonder if this is because you're feeling guilty about spending the Girlfriend Day with Miyuki yesterday. It's okay. We still got next year ahead of us. And the next next year. And the next next next year. I can just go on but I really mean it.

Today really just... I feel like going crazy for a bit. Especially being yelled at after our instructor mistakenly thought I was the one who has been missing 3 lectures as it was actually another girl with the same first name but in different section. Stupid mistake. Literally.

Again, thanks so much.

Now, I really really miss you.

Being In Relationship

Honestly, I never been in one. Probably because I have no interest or maybe I'm just not ready.

But after spending the whole day with Miyuki, she might be slightly gave me a strong impression on that matter.

We did the basic drill. Sitting at the coffee place where I used to go with Hikari, then went for a walk at the park, got ourselves some icecream, then we went to a restaurant where she had made reservation just for the two of us.

But above all, what we did the most was just talking. About each other, about our families. She's actually a lawyer. She used to work with my brother especially when it comes to legal matters of our company but not anymore cause when Aki said he wanted to go out with her, she stopped representing our company and now working with different company.

She appeared to be really feminine. She's also polite and that's important to me. Well, to most of us, right? She doesn't like reading but she enjoyed documentaries. She loves ice skating. She thinks being with your partner on the top of Eiffle Tower in Paris is one of the most romantic thing in the world. She also like you, who enjoyed the long walk on the beach. She hates Hawaii and prefer Miami instead. She plays piano. That's a bonus. Well, for Aki, it is. She still want to work even after she got married.

Talking about her ideal wedding, that would be a traditional Japanese wedding. But she loves the idea to have some photography sessions where she's wearing white wedding dresses and to be displayed at the reception.

She wants 2 children. A girl and a boy and though my brother probably won't agree to this, she wants to live in her own place once she got married.

That's assuming they gonna get married.

She was wearing a couple ring. She told me my brother gave that to her on their 100th day anniversary.

Well, if you ask me, she's a great person with a great personality and not to mention, great sense of style. But it's been a day so I haven't decided yet. That's what I told Aki.

As for me, what's important is for her to be able to support my brother in his life. For my brother don't really have much friends to begin with. It's given as he's busy all the time. But he's been like that since forever. He used to stick with Ichi all the time but as they get older, and they're pursuing different field, went to different universities, they kinda grow apart in terms of life and relationship. But they still sleep in the same bed occasionally. That hasn't changed.

Anyway, I hope everything working great between them.

Alright. I think that's about it.

Oh, one more thing. Oh, well. Good night.