I Tried So Hard

All this time, I’ve been lying to myself about everything.

Every single thing.

What I want, where I want to be, who I want to be with, why I’m here…
what I believe in…

Everything is a lie… I wonder how did I got this far…
Deceiving people all the way…

I’m nothing but a liar… Not only to people I care mostly,
but also to myself…

Why is it in the first place I didn’t argue about all these things in front of me?
Why did I just let things happened without even trying to stop them?
Why did I just let myself to bear all these faults as if I’m the only one to blame?
… or is it because it is my fault to begin with?

I tried so hard to resist…
but it seems everything had already consumed me.

I want to run away from here…
But I can’t just find the key to unlock this gate of loneliness…

Even though everything looks so beautiful…
A part of me had already overwhelmed by this fake happiness…
but I can still sense another part of me, even though it’s just a small part… that yearning for someone to pull myself away…

I want to go somewhere I truly belong…
Is there any place I can go?
Is it even exist?

I want to go back to my past… and change my destiny…
So I wouldn’t end up like this…
No… there’s no way I can do that…

Should I wait for something to happen? Before I can finally freed myself from here?
..or shouldn’t I?

Save me… from myself…